Finding Forever (Meet the McIntyres Book 5) Read online

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  EPILOGUE

  Finding Forever

  Meet The McIntyres #5

  Copyright © 2018 by Rebecca Barber. All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: November 2018

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  For Zoe.

  Because everyone deserves a happy ending

  The Meet the McIntyre books is a series surrounding a family of the five children. Each has their own story to tell.

  The intended reading order is:

  Beau

  Gage

  Holly

  Ryan

  Connor

  Finally, he’d fallen asleep.

  I loved him, I really did, but right now I had never been more relieved that he was asleep. Shifting my numb ass on the couch slightly, I was too frightened he’d wake if I wiggled too much. I prayed my bladder would hold on. It was just my luck that the moment he’d closed his eyes and started snoring softly I’d need to pee. Ignoring the pressure building in my abdomen, I tipped my head back and allowed my own heavy eyes to close.

  The shrill from my phone woke me with a start and I leapt where I slept, hugging the bundle wrapped in a soft blue blanket to my chest. Stumbling to my feet, he wiggled his tiny body but didn’t wake. Thankfully. I’d give anything for him to sleep for more than a twenty-minute stretch.

  Finding my ringing phone vibrating across the kitchen bench, the first thing I noticed was the time. It was barely seven in the morning. My stomach churned. It was way too early for anyone to be calling. Nothing good could come of answering such an early call. But when Jenna’s name flashed on my screen, I knew there was nothing in the world that could stop me from picking it up. Not even the need to pee, which was becoming more and more urgent.

  Adjusting my grip on the adorable sleeping bundle, I picked up the phone and held it to my ear. “Hey Jenna,” I said softly.

  “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  “No. Not at all.” I couldn’t tell her why I was awake. I wished I could. I really did. To be able to have someone to confide in. Someone to ask for advice. Someone just to bitch to who’d understand. I loved Ryan, I truly did, but even alluding to what he called ‘female problems’ had him running out the door.

  “Oh, good.”

  “How’s things?”

  “Zoe…”

  My heart sank in my chest. It wasn’t what she said, in fact she hadn’t really said anything. Yet. It was the defeat in her tone. The way she said my name. Moving back towards the lounge room, I shook my head at the sight. It was a pig sty. Used tissues littered the coffee table. Dirty socks on the floor. Blankets piled on the lounge. As carefully as I could, I placed him down in the bouncer and adjusted the blanket over his chubby little legs.

  Once he was settled I moved away, not wanting to wake him with my conversation. “Sorry about that, Jenna. What’s up?”

  Flicking on the kettle, I leant back against the bench and waited.

  “It’s fine. How have you been?”

  How have I been? What a loaded question. I could have told her the truth. Exhausted. In pain. Desperate for help. Ready to admit I’d bitten off more than I could chew. Instead, I answered, “Fine.”

  I’m not sure if she believed me or not. Gratefully, she didn’t call me out either way. Instead she just continued. “Zoe, I need you.”

  “Oh…okay.”

  “I need you to come home.”

  “I am home.”

  That place wasn’t my home any more. It hadn’t been home for a long time, and it never would be again. Nothing could make me move back there. Not permanently. Visiting was hard enough.

  “Zoe please…” Jenna pleaded.

  Tears welled in my eyes. I knew this was about to hurt. “What’s wrong, Jenna?” I almost choked on the words.

  “I’m sick.”

  From the lounge room, the small whimpers started. A noise I’d heard far too often in the past couple of weeks. One I knew would escalate into full on screaming within minutes. Ignoring the shrill of the kettle, it looked like once again I’d be forgoing the much-needed coffee and headed back towards the man who consumed my life these days.

  “Please, Zoe. I don’t want to talk about this over the phone. Can you come?”

  “When?” I barely managed to squeak out the word.

  “Soon as you can. I’m sorry to drop this on you. I know you’re busy and have heaps going on, but…but I wouldn’t ask unless it was important.”

  “I know.” And it was the truth. Jenna had never asked me for a thing. Not once. How could I disappoint her now?

  For a long moment neither of us said anything. I think internally, I was already starting to build ten-foot high, reinforced steel walls around my heart. It’d been battered and shattered too many times already. I wasn’t sure it’d survive another round in the ring.

  “Zoe? Sweetheart? You there?”

  “Y-yeah.” I sniffed.

  “I’m going to go and give you a second. Can you call me back when you know when you can come?”

  “Ah…okay,” I promised vaguely.

  “It will be all okay, sweetie. I promise. Love you, Zoe.”

  I heard the phone click off and it triggered that ugly sobbing that guys avoided like the plague. It was snotty and loud and completely obnoxious. With my chest heaving, my own pain was pushed aside. I scooped up my crying son and held him against my chest. Bouncing from foot to foot, I tried cooing between sobs, desperate to get him back to sleep. If I thought I was tired before, right now it was taking everything I had to not curl up in the foetal position on the floor and cry myself to sleep.

  Jenna was sick. And it was serious. I didn’t need the details to know that much. She wouldn’t have called for the flu. This wasn’t good. It had to be a bad dream. I’d believe it was if I were capable of sleeping. After checking and changing the dirty nappy, he settled enough that I was able to sit down again. Flopping into the recliner, the sobbing had eased but the silent tears kept coming.

  Thankfully, he must have felt my pain and drifted off to a light sleep, settling his head between my boobs.

  When the door handle rattled, I could hear the chatter on the other side. Fucking fantastic. Ryan hadn’t been home in days, instead choosing to spend most of his time with his boyfriend, Alex. Not that I could blame him. Every time he’d attempted to sleep here, he’d spent half the night chatting to me while I fed, changed, and tried to bribe a screaming baby to sleep.

  “You’re up early,” Ryan commented, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

  He shouldn’t have spoken. For his own safety he should have kept his mouth shut. Ale
x must have seen what was coming. He headed straight over to where I was curled up and picked up the baby. As soon as my arms were free, I wiped my snotty nose on my sleeve.

  “Zoe! What’s wrong?” I could hear the worry in Ryan’s voice as he dropped his sports bag at his feet and moved towards me.

  “Jenna needs me. And…and I can’t go.”

  “Why?” Alex asked naïvely.

  “Of course, you can. We’ll leave in the morning.” Why was I not surprised that Ryan understood? That’s who he was. He was the understanding and sympathetic best friend any girl could wish for, and I was a lucky bitch. Really. I had two of those guys in my life. Ryan and Derek. My own personal superheroes. Ready to step into their tights whenever I needed them.

  “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “You’re not asking. I’m taking you home, Zoe. End of story! I’m not sure what’s going on, and I don’t need to. All I need to know is you need to go home, and I’m making sure you get there. Now, stop crying…you’re a mess!”

  Ryan was right. I was a disaster. My sweat pants were on backwards. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d washed my hair. And my shirt. I wasn’t sure the last time I even bothered putting a clean one on. Every time I tried to, it was barely fifteen minutes before it was covered in spit up again. Worse than that though, was the two big wet patches on my chest. My emotions had gotten the better of me and the moment my eyes watered, my ginormous boobs leaked. Yet another fun motherhood fact I hadn’t been prepared for.

  “I’m…I’m sorry,” I snorted, wiping my nose on the back of my hand again like the classy woman I pretended to be.

  “No need for sorry. Why don’t you go have a long hot shower?” Ryan was bossy today. Or maybe he just couldn’t stand how badly I smelt right now.

  I loved my son, I really did, but right now I’d give him up for a shower and a week’s worth of sleep. He was barely four weeks old and I think I’d had maybe a dozen hours of sleep if I was lucky. This is why you weren’t designed to have a baby on your own. This was the moment the kid’s father was supposed to step up and say, “Sweetie, I got this. You go take a nap.” Sadly, sperm donor number seven-four-eight-three from Denmark, the six-foot-four, brown-eyed hottie I’d picked from a catalogue, wouldn’t be coming to my rescue tonight or any other night. We were just going to have to figure it out. Team Sinclair. Me and Lachlan. We’d get there…eventually.

  “But…but…” I started to protest, but was forced to shut up when I watched as Ryan took hold of the most precious thing in my world and let him snuggle against his chest as he snored.

  Maybe they were okay for at least a few minutes.

  “Go,” Alex encouraged. “He’s fine. We’ve got this.”

  One look at them and I had no doubt they did.

  ***

  That was eight and a half hours of my life I never want to think about again. It should’ve taken twenty minutes to get on the freeway and out of the city. Not the two hours and fifteen minutes it took thanks to the jack-knifed truck which had spewed chicken nuggets across three lanes. The problem was once we’d turned onto the freeway, we couldn’t get off. Neither could the hundreds of others stuck in the bumper to bumper carpark.

  For the first hour, Alex and Ryan hadn’t shut up. I doubted they even paused to take a breath. While they chatted, I leant against my door and tried to nap. Lachlan had fallen asleep almost the instant I’d buckled him into his car seat, and after yet another restless night, I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Unfortunately, with the car barely creeping down the road, he was awake too soon. But not just awake. He’d had a poo explosion. It was everywhere. Somehow, his Mickey Mouse printed nappy wasn’t up to the task. Squished in the back of the car, because there was no way we were pulling over and getting out of this snail pace queue, I changed Lachlan’s nappy, his outfit, the blanket that I’d covered him in, and did the best I could to clean up the shitstorm with almost a whole packet of wet wipes.

  Between the nuggets and having crap up to my elbows, I was ready to climb out and walk home. Ryan wouldn’t hear of it, though. Since he’d decided to turn this into a road trip, he handed me the bag of lollies, turned up the 90’s boy band hit playlist he’d spent way too many hours perfecting, and told me to shut up. Between Ryan’s insistence to keep going and the memory of Jenna’s plea to come, here I was, barely minutes away from returning to the town that upended my life more than once. And the gnawing in the bottom of my stomach had me convinced it’d do it again.

  As Alex drove us closer to this god-forsaken town, a cold shiver raced up my spine. We were passing the spot on the side of the road that changed my life forever. Years ago, now something as simple as a broken-down car and the walk back to town was the beginning of the end. After being attacked and assaulted, I was left broken and bleeding on the side of the road only to be saved by the only man I’ve ever loved, Spencer McLaren. He was the only person I would have lived in this slow, narrow-minded town for. But he was also the reason I ran away. My high school boyfriend, who proposed before I’d even turned eighteen, had me packing up my bags and taking off, tail tucked between my legs.

  “You okay there, Zoe?” Ryan asked, worried.

  “Yeah,” I lied, swiping the tear from my cheek.

  My stupid car. The one I got rid of as soon as I could. It was the trigger for my life to crash and burn. Not only was I left broken and alone, but when the truth came out, we were lowering Spencer’s coffin into the ground and his twin brother, Kane was behind bars.

  Without another word, Ryan’s hand snaked out as he took hold of mine, squeezing it gently. He knew. Not everything, there was only one person who had that hanging on their head. Derek Cartwright had been Spencer’s best friend and the town’s local cop. Somehow when life had gone to hell, he’d been forced to take on another role. One he never asked for but not once shied away from. He’d become my hero. He picked me up and helped me take each shaky step as I put my life back together. He’d moved us to Melbourne, away from his friends and the job he’d always wanted, to help me find my feet. Derek had become everything in my world…right up until the moment I held Lachlan in my arms. The moment he wrapped his whole hand around my finger, Derek was instantly relegated to second. I only hoped Derek would accept Lachlan into his life and love him with all that he was. I don’t know what I would do if Derek rejected him. Or me.

  It’s probably why I’d kept what I’d done a secret.

  And now here I was.

  Standing on the front step, staring up at the weathered wooden door to terrified to knock. Even though I didn’t know what was waiting for me on the other side, I didn’t need the gnawing in my stomach to remind me to be worried. I was so nervous there was a better than even chance I was about to throw up the two bags of lollies I’d inhaled, all over Jenna’s gardenias.

  “You right there, Zoe?” Ryan called out from behind me.

  Not trusting my words, I nodded and took another step. I was so close now. All I had to do was lift my fist and rap my knuckles against the frame. Behind me, I heard Lachlan fuss and almost turned back to him.

  I didn’t get a chance.

  The door swung open in front of me and there stood Jenna. Or at least someone who used to look a lot like Jenna.

  “Zoe?” her voice crackled as she reached towards me.

  Her scent surrounded me as she shuffled forward, wrapping me in her bony arms. Standing in her embrace brought all my demons back with a flourish. It wasn’t the first time Jenna had been the one to hold me when my world fell apart, and all I could do now was pray it wouldn’t be the last time, either.

  A piercing squeal broke our silent reunion and Jenna let go and moved back slightly, still holding my hand like it was her lifeline. “Who do we have here?”

  Her question was innocent, yet guilt swallowed me.

  I watched as Ryan adjusted Lachlan in his arms and strode confidently towards us. The wind was kicking up and his too long hair was being tosse
d around. Protectively, he tucked the blue blanket tighter around Lachlan’s tiny frame and I smiled widely. Ryan would make an amazing father. Even though he was afraid he wouldn’t, anyone who saw the way he was with my beautiful boy wouldn’t have a doubt.

  “Hey Jenna,” Ryan greeted, placing a kiss on her cheek. “This is my boyfriend, Alex.”

  “Nice to meet you, Alex.”

  While they exchanged pleasantries, I took the chance to have a look at Jenna. She wasn’t just sick. She was really fucking sick. You didn’t need to be a doctor to see that. She’d lost weight. A lot of weight. Her skin was translucent and hung from her tiny frame. Wearing a pair of jeans that were at least three sizes too big for her and a baggy t-shirt did nothing to help hide her illness, either. Her hair had thinned, and what she had resembled straw more than hair. Her eyes were sunken and rimmed by dark, black bags.

  “You too, Jenna.”

  “And who’s this adorable little man?”

  “Jenna…” I started, but choked on the words. It was like I couldn’t say it.

  I wasn’t embarrassed of Lachlan. He was very much wanted and very much loved. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was the way I’d done it. All along I knew this moment would come, I just thought I’d have time to prepare for it. Think it through. Do it on my terms. Not like this. This was never in my plan. It was too late to turn back now, though.

  “Zoe? Is he…is he yours?” Her words were gentle, but they were filled with something more. I couldn’t tell if it was shock or disappointment. While I hoped for the first, I prepared for the latter.

  Taking Lachlan from Ryan’s arms, I snuggled against my son, feeling his warmth. With his eyes wide, he gave me a strength I’d never possessed before. Gently, I placed a kiss on his head and breathed in his innocence. He was my world. Nothing and no one would ever take him from me, nor make me feel guilty for wanting him. Needing him. Holding my breath, I stretched out my arms and handed over my pride and joy, hoping Jenna was still the same kind, compassionate, and loving woman I’d always known. “Jenna, meet my son.”