Finding Forever (Meet the McIntyres Book 5) Read online

  Letting my eyes close, I willed sleep to come. That would have been too easy, though. The moment darkness surrounded me, my mind began replaying the day like it was a blockbuster movie. I was worse than a woman, second guessing every word that had been shared. Every touch. Every movement. I was getting hard at the memory of Zoe’s perfect, pink lips wrapped around my aching cock. What I wouldn’t give to go back to that. Within minutes I was sporting some serious wood and was more than a little uncomfortable. Reaching down, I gave myself a few rough tugs, hoping that would ease the pressure building. It didn’t. Kicking off my boxers, part of me couldn’t believe I was doing this. Sure, it wasn’t the first time, and it more than likely wouldn’t be the last, but it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing tonight. Sad thing was, I’d been in this situation before and knew I was getting no sleep until I got some much-needed relief.

  Before I knew it, I was getting close. I was panting and groaning and very glad I had the house to myself. I doubted if I could keep this one quiet. Kicking the blankets off, I stroked fast and hard, feeling the familiar tingle up my spine as my balls tightened. With one final stroke, I screamed out Zoe’s name in ecstasy as I came all over my stomach.

  My phone beeped on the table beside me, but instead of reaching for it, I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and walked butt naked towards the bathroom to clean up.

  After a quick hot shower, the drowsiness was claiming me. Now the tension had left my body, if there were some way I could manage to keep Zoe off my mind, I’d be asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

  But this was my life. Nothing ever went to plan. The phone chimed again and stupidly I picked it up.

  Zoe: What do you think of the name ‘McLaren’s Diner’?

  If it was possible for your heart to soar and plummet in the same moment, that’s what I was facing. If Zoe was considering naming the place, that meant there was a chance she was seriously considering sticking around. A very good thing. But naming it ‘McLaren’s.’ That hurt. It was my own fault it hurt, though. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. It made sense she’d want to have some kind of tribute to Jenna, I just hoped it was Jenna, and not Spencer. Competing with a memory was one battle I knew I couldn’t win.

  Zoe: Or is that terrible?

  Zoe: It’s terrible, isn’t it?

  Zoe: Okay. Forget it. I’ll think of something else.

  It was kinda cute how neurotic she was. Even via text message, Zoe was a complete basket case. I hadn’t even had a chance to punch out a reply. Taking advantage in the barrage of texts, I typed out a simple reply.

  Connor: I like it.

  Was it the truth? I honestly wasn’t sure, but if it meant keeping Zoe around, then I wasn’t going to burst her bubble. Did I want it to be yet another tribute to Spencer she could look at every day of her life? Hell no. Was I about to tell her that? Not on my life. I wasn’t a complete moron. Or maybe I was.

  Zoe: Thanks.

  Zoe: Can you send me the bill when you’re ready?

  Zoe: Please?

  What bill? Was she on crack? I could just picture her now, bouncing around the house in those damn unicorn pyjamas like she’d accidentally tipped Red Bull into her chamomile tea. Zoe was a scatterbrain, and usually that would drive me up the wall, but for some reason, with her it just made her all that more fun to be around. I’d never get bored with her close by.

  Wide awake now, I figured I might as well have some fun with her. Take her on at her own game. I was a sadistic bastard sometimes.

  Connor: ???

  Connor: Bill who?

  Connor: And why am I sending him your way? :P

  Feeling odd having this conversation naked, I grabbed a clean pair of boxers before climbing back into bed. Tomorrow was going to be hell, but right now I was smiling so hard I already knew it was going to be worth it.

  And Zoe didn’t disappoint.

  Zoe: Ha ha ha.

  Zoe: I bet you think you’re funny, don’t you?

  Connor: I am funny.

  Connor: Bet you smiled.

  Zoe: If by smiling you mean rolling my eyes so hard I think I saw my brain,

  Zoe: then yeah.

  Zoe: I smiled.

  Connor: Wait! What?

  Connor: You have a brain?

  Connor: Huh. Who knew?

  Zoe: Asshole!

  Connor: Yes sweetheart?

  Zoe: Don’t sweetheart me Connor Adrian McIntyre.

  Connor: Oooh, pulling out the big guns. Full name.

  Connor: I’m scared.

  Connor: Wait! How’d you know my middle name anyway

  Zoe: I have my ways

  Connor: Stalker much?

  Zoe: You wish

  Connor: Bloody Ryan has a big mouth

  Zoe: Who said it was Ryan?

  Connor: Had to be him or Holly. Damn gossip queens

  Zoe: Are you always this frustrating?

  Connor: If you mean frustrating as in sexy, then sorry to break it to you. pumpkin…

  Connor: I’m dead sexy.

  Connor: But you already knew that.

  Connor: Didn’t you?

  When no reply came, I thought I’d gone too far. Surely the stick that Zoe sometimes had shoved up her perky little ass understood that I was just messing with her. Setting my phone down on the empty pillow beside me, I began to wonder if I stood a chance. Yeah, we had fun and laughed a lot, but was that enough? Did she even want anything more? And perhaps more importantly, was I ready to dive head first into a ready-made family? It was a big responsibility. Would I even be any good at it?

  Five minutes passed.

  Then ten.

  Still nothing. With my mind worrying, I rolled over to the empty side of the bed and closed my eyes.

  Five a.m. came way too soon. The alarm sounded, and I reached out looking for my phone. The incessant duck quacking, which I’d determined was the most annoying alarm tone in my phone, kept going as I groped around trying to smash the thing into silence. Coming up empty-handed, and a flock of ducks in my ear, I pried my eyes open and was forced to look. Mornings were not my friend. Especially after yet another fitful night of sleep.

  “For fuck’s sake!” Unable to find the quacking thing, I threw the blankets on the floor as I fell from the bed with a thump. Probably should have completely untangled my legs before throwing the blankets away.

  Then I saw it.

  There it was, Sitting smack bang in the middle of my now deserted and lonely looking bed. Reaching out, I smashed down on the screen, silencing the damn ducks. Annoying little fuckers. After piling the blankets back on my bed, I walked sleepily into the bathroom and took care of business. I still had ten minutes before I had to move. It was a very much needed ten minutes too. Flopping back onto the bed with a bounce, I pulled the covers back over me. Outside the window, the sky looked angry. Winter was coming far too early this year. Either it was coming too early or we were running behind. Probably a bit of both. Problem was, I think it was my fault. I’d been too focused on other things and not this place. After promising myself I’d catch up no matter what it took, I grabbed my phone to check the forecast. Although the clouds were dark and low, I was hoping they weren’t bringing any rain with them. I needed a few more dry days first.

  Unlocking my phone, I was shocked to see the barrage of messages. I must have been so tired I passed out last night and didn’t even hear them coming through.

  Zoe: I’m not answering that.

  Zoe: Your ego’s big enough.

  Zoe: You don’t need me to stroke it.

  Zoe: I’m sure you’re a master at stroking it yourself.

  Zoe: You’ve had years of practice.

  Wow! Zoe was on fire and I’d gone to sleep on her. “Damn it!” It would have been fun to keep playing this game with her.

  Zoe: But seriously, Connor.

  Oh shit! Scrubbing a hand down my face, I hit the stubble on my chin. After digging the gunk from my eyes, I continued reading her ramblings.
r />   Zoe: Send me the invoice for the work you’ve done at the diner.

  Zoe: You don’t need to spend that much.

  Zoe: You apologised,

  Zoe: I forgave you.

  Zoe: So, send me the bill and I’ll pay you.

  Zoe: Connor?

  Zoe: Are you still awake?

  Zoe: Guess not.

  Zoe: Okay then.

  Zoe: Sweet dreams.

  Well, she was right about one this. I did have sweet dreams. Dreams filled with her and a bottle of chocolate syrup.

  The ducks started quacking again and it was time to get up. The damn snooze alarm was the devil. After dressing quickly, I stumbled downstairs and grabbed some breakfast. Sick of the normal vegemite toast, I found myself making porridge. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten porridge, but when I opened the pantry and it was staring straight at me, I had to. It was comfort food. As soon as it hit my taste buds, I wondered why it’d been so long between servings. It was delicious. Quickly I filled my travel mug and stepped out into the early morning air. It was still dark with no sign of the sun on the horizon as I headed over to the shed. Today was all about moving the hay. We’d baled it up, but time had gotten away from us and it was still in the paddocks. We needed to get it under the cover of the shed before winter hit and everything went mouldy.

  Firing up the stubborn tractor, I waited for the engine to warm up. Cradling my coffee cup, I used it for warmth as well as the much-needed caffeine. I found myself thinking about Zoe as I waited. I shouldn’t have been surprised she was on my mind. She pretty much had a permanent position there these days, but I was caught off guard by how much it didn’t bother me. In fact, just thinking about her and Lachlan made me smile. Obviously, I was losing my marbles. Digging my phone from my pocket, I reread last night’s conversation. Even in texts we were hot. Before I could stop myself, I replied, knowing it was way too early for her to be awake, especially after noting how late some of her messages had come through.

  Connor: Just say thank you and we’ll call it even.

  Connor: I’m not taking your money.

  God, I hoped that was the end of it. Money made me nervous. Just talking about it pushed me off balance. I couldn’t even remember how many arguments Beau and I had had about money and this place in the last month, let alone in the last year. I didn’t want to know. I trusted him to take care of it, and I knew he deposited funds into my account regularly, but I couldn’t tell you how often or what day. It wasn’t like normal payroll where I knew I was getting paid every second Thursday or something. If, when I went to buy something my card didn’t decline, it was all good. But Zoe had rocks in her head if she thought I was about to take her money. She was a single, unemployed mother after all.

  I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket before I heard it ring. Spilling some coffee over my fingers, I licked them clean as I dug around to pull it out. Zoe’s name was flashing.

  “Morning, pumpkin.”

  “Connor…”

  Oh shit! This wasn’t a friendly call. The tone in her voice as she said my name was like having a bucket of cold water tipped over my head. Sitting up a little straighter in the uncomfortable seat, I braced myself.

  “Yes, Zoe?”

  “Can you please just tell me how much I owe you? Please?” She hadn’t yelled. Not yet, anyway. First, she’d tried begging. It was cute. If only she were on her knees doing it.

  “No can do.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m not taking your money.” I already knew Zoe was as stubborn as a mule, but she wasn’t fully aware of how determined I could be. She was about to find out though.

  “Would you just send me your bank details for goodness’ sake?”

  “Nope.”

  “Connor! Why are you being difficult?”

  “Why are you so determined to give me money?”

  “Because I owe you!” She was getting frustrated now. Her voice, which had started off as a whisper, was getting louder by the second.

  “No, you don’t. I never asked you to pay me back, and you never asked me to do it. So, we’re square.”

  “I hate owing people money.”

  “So do I. But seriously, Zoe, you don’t owe me anything.”

  “How can I get you to take it?”

  “You can’t. So, give up and go back to bed. It’s way too early for you to be up worrying about this.”

  “I have a baby. They can’t tell the time. I’ve been up for hours.”

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “It’s not fun, I can promise you that.”

  “Well, go take it easy. I’m about to move hay all day. Wanna swap?”

  “Don’t tempt me.”

  “Come on, pumpkin. He’s not that bad.”

  “He is when he’s teething.”

  “You’re just sleep deprived. Try and get some rest. I’ll give you a call later.”

  “With your bank details?” Damn her! I’d almost made it out of that conversation without any scars. Seems today really wasn’t my day.

  “Nice try.”

  “Please.”

  “Zoe! Save your money. You need it more than I do.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I think I liked it better when she was begging. Actually, I know I did. I could almost feel the heat from the steam billowing from her ears through the phone. This, this right here was exactly why I’d tried to avoid this conversation.

  “Nothing. It means nothing.”

  “Bullshit. Don’t back down now, Connor. You think I’m broke. I’m useless. All because I’m a single mother.”

  “No…”

  “Or is it because I have no job? Do you think I’m poor because I’m living in Jenna’s house rent free? Come on, Connor. Why is it you think I need money?”

  “Fuck, Zoe! I didn’t mean for it…”

  “Well, what did you mean then?”

  I was stuffed into a corner with only one way out. I had to talk my way out of this one. I’d never been so glad to be having a conversation over the phone than in person than I was right now. If Zoe was standing in front of me, I’d be betting money that I’d be trying to protect my balls from being ripped off and stuffed down my throat.

  “All I meant was, you have a son. And he’s going to need stuff. Clothes, school, food. Hell, I don’t know. I’m not a parent. But he’s going to want things and you’re going to want to give them to him. So, save your money and spend it on him.”

  “Connor, firstly I’ll have you know Lachlan will never, and I mean never, go without, so don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. Secondly, I have money. More than enough to repay you for the work you’ve done and still have enough to look after my son. Just because I’m not working right now doesn’t mean I’m some handout loving, single mum who won’t be able to put food on the table. My financial status is none of your concern.”

  Not knowing what else to say, I agreed simply. “Okay.”

  “So, text me your bank account details and an amount and I’ll transfer what I owe you.”

  “Zoe…”

  “Don’t, Connor. Between what Spencer and Jenna left me, I’m not looking for handouts from any one. Least of all you.” The next thing I heard was the dial tone in my ear.

  “Fuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk!” I roared as I slammed my fist down on the steering wheel, rattling my coffee off its ledge and coating my jeans.

  The walls were closing in on me. Or I was about to punch my way straight through them. Lachlan had barely slept. Napping on and off, I was tired and cranky, and that was before I’d even spoken to Connor. Now I was fucking livid. Needing to get out of the house, I bundled Lachlan up in his Cookie Monster onesie, wrapped a scarf around my neck, and buckled him into his stroller. Being inside was driving me insane and I needed to get out.

  After walking aimlessly down the streets, I found myself outside of the bakery. Checking my watch, I noticed it only had five minutes until opening, and
I could get a coffee. My darling little shit head, the one who’d screamed all night and hadn’t let me put him down once had been snoring now for almost half an hour. I was going to take this opportunity to sit down and enjoy breakfast.

  When the door rattled in front of me, I clutched my chest as my heart threated to jump out on the pavement. I hadn’t been paying attention. I was too busy caught up in my imagination where I was pulling the hair from Connor’s chest one by one just to watch him squirm.

  “Whoa! You right there, Zoe?” Payton asked, grabbing my arm, helping to steady me.

  “Yeah. Sorry. Thanks.”

  “All good. You coming inside?”

  “Yep.” Without another word, I followed her through the door, leaving Lachlan’s stroller at one of the corner tables. Walking up to the counter, I could already see the delicious treats filling the glass cabinet and I knew they’d be soon filling my stomach instead. “Can I please have a bucket of coffee, a cinnamon scroll, a scone, and one of those chocolate things?”

  “For breakfast?” she blurted out. The look on my face must have been enough to shut her up.

  “Is that a problem?”

  “N-n-not at all. Have a seat and I’ll bring it over.”

  Feeling worse than dog shit on a shoe, I slumped over to the table and flopped into a chair. Payton didn’t deserve my bitchiness. No one did. Well, one person did, but he wasn’t here, so I had to rein it in. When Payton carried over the tray, I felt worse, if that was even possible. There was more food on here than I’d eat in a day. And we both knew it.

  “Payton, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine,” she assured me with a dismissive wave of her hand, but I knew she didn’t mean it. Usually she’d bring over food, fall into the chair beside me, and we’d chat while I sipped. Today she made no attempt to join me. Instead, she started back towards the counter, putting distance between us.

  “Payton!” I called out, catching her attention. If I had been a better person, one who wasn’t so self-involved, I would have noticed that she too looked like shit. Dark black circles ringed her eyes, and her hair, although tugged back in a tight ponytail, looked like straw. “Are you okay?”